It was my birthday this week. I LOVE birthdays and celebrating them and thus my birthday usually ends up being crappy because I have such high expectations for it. I am now 35. 35! Eek. Such sad emotions come with this age. In my mind it marks the end of childbearing, something that has come to define everything I've been for what feels like forever. I didn't want to turn 35. I canceled a very small party that Ken tried to throw for me because, though I love birthday celebrations, I hate being the center of attention.
When I woke up this morning, I had a happy birthday email waiting for me in my inbox written by one very dear friend whom I happen to think the world of. I struggle a lot with thinking I'm good enough. I know, who doesn't, right? But I do and she sent me words that made me feel worthwhile and happy and proud to be alive. So, since this is my blog, I'm going to include them. Because I don't want to forget the words ever.
Happy Birthday, my friend!
I have been thinking for many weeks about a gift that I could get you for your birthday, but you just got rid of all the non-joy things in your life, and I didn't want to get you something that I wasn't 100% sure would spark. This was intimidating to me, so I am writing you an email instead, because I am always happy to get a real email in the midst of my Amazon receipts, shipping confirmations, and sales alerts, so I thought you might be too. I was supposed to write it last night so it would be there for you, birthday morning, but now I'm not even really sure I'll get it in your inbox on your birthday. Oh well. Without further ado, here are the top 3 reasons I think you being alive another year is ample cause for celebration!
1. You can smile. This sounds dumb, but let me tell you how it isn't! The more I have gotten to know you, I realize there are a staggering amount of things in your life that could keep you from smiling, or make you smile that thin, plastered smile people wear when, "How are you?" would take a good hour to answer truthfully. But when you bear your testimony in church, or when you interact with the kids in Primary (when they're not being hellions), or when you send me a picture of your poofy hair that you are deciding to laugh about, the smile I see on your face is the real deal. Every time I see it, I feel like I have to pause and bear witness of the fortitude and courage of this amazing woman who can handle so much and still choose to be faithful and happy. I keep expecting your smile to come out from under all the burdens you carry looking like a weary old woman, but it comes out like sunshine personified. Wearing a daisy crown. It is beautiful and I love to see it. It always surprises and inspires.
2. You are universally capable. You're one of those people that I'm pretty sure could do anything physically possible, and just in case you're wondering, my list of Captain Capables has less than five people on it. I am sitting here trying to think of anything you don't do well; the only thing I can come up with is infection control, which isn't really your fault (so many little hands!). I'm sure there are things, because everyone has weaknesses, but they are brilliantly overshadowed by all the things you do like a boss. You are smart, deliberate, persevering, productive, confident, thoughtful, practical, and committed. You are an incredible leader--I admire the way you run your family and am thoroughly enjoying being a part of your Primary. The sheer number of things you manage to accomplish in the same amount of time as everyone else is frankly astonishing. And then when we take into consideration the quality of your accomplishments . . . I am continually impressed by you.
3. Have you ever read "The Chosen" by Chaim Potok? I like this quote from it:
“Reuven listen to me. The Talmud says that a person should do two things for himself. One is to acquire a teacher. Do you remember the other?""Choose a friend," I said.
"Yes. You know what a friend is, Reuven? A Greek philosopher said that two people who are true friends are like two bodies with one soul."
So, I sort of chose you for both a teacher and a friend (sorry to give you two jobs, but you're used to wearing lots of hats, right?). Your influence has given me the courage to embrace aspects of my divine nature as a woman that I was too afraid/prejudiced to consider before, and because of that, Andelynn's birth was one of the most treasured moments of my life thus far. I have become so much more purposeful and loving in my mothering from being around you and learning from you. Every time I interact with you my life is enriched and I am motivated to become a better person. I know I am prone to exaggeration, but this, I assure you, is accurate. And do you even know how good you are at friendship? I hope I am even half the friend to you that you are to me. I am embarrassed to think of all the collective hours of listening to me you have accrued, especially when I consider all the other little people who rely on you so, but thank you for thinking about me and taking time to be my friend. I need it here!
I think I'd better wrap this up and go to bed or I will a) start shedding grateful tears and alarm my husband, and b) miss the birthday deadline. This email comes with a big hug tomorrow at church, so prepare yourself. I love you Annie! Happy Birthday to you!
Your friend,
Sabrina
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